He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i think i just lost a toe
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