Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
