That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
