so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
