just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
