i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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