Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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