Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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