i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
