So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize