When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so let's talk penis.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
