I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
