I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
