I'm going to jail i love you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
