I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
