First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
