I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
