I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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