dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
