Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We left an ass print on the piano.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
