dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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