chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
