Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
NoShamevember. You game?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
