Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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