At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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