Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
