Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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