I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
