Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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