I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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