My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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