she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
