why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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