Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
