Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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