is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
