I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
