so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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