My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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