When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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