He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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