Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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