And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
