he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
