I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
