Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
