Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize