Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
