Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
