I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
