wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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