I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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