you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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