he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
