somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
