so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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