God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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