i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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