i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
