all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
vagina is talking i cant
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
