This is the prime rib incident all over again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
