Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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