worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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