Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Randomize
