You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
