u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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