my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize