I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
