Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
